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I take my camera with me everywhere, everyday. My photography relies on continuity and routines. I photograph what I find relevant by intuition. Sometimes I press the trigger to preserve a memory or a feeling that I have. I take the picture so that I will not forget how I felt at that specific moment. The picture becomes an evidence and connection to a moment that otherwise would blend in with all kinds of occasions that a life consists of. The picture also places the memory in a chronology that would otherwise be lost.

For over seven years I have photographed my own personal life. All the time I have asked myself why I am doing this. What difference does it make if I take a picture of my face or of Åsa, my girlfriend? What does this consistent documenting give back to me?

Personal storytelling has always fascinated me. I often think about the big questions, about love, our existence and our struggle to be here for a specific reason. The answers to these questions always seem dumb. I hesitate in my decision process. Arguments and dogms are turned inside out, back and forth before they can candidate as plausible. When I have explored the possibilities and finally make a decision I know from experience that it will be replaced, discarded or polished the next day. Maybe everything is grey anyway, but the black and the white has to be there to push the grey mass forward to a more nuanced grey.

Ever since I was a small boy I have been unstoppable in my strive to challange and accomplish issues that I thought were important for me. Once accomplished, I have turned my back on them just as quick because of a sudden loss of interest or belief in the goal. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? Who am I doing this for? The constant gnaw of doubt has filled my thoughts. Sometimes it has blocked my motivation, other times it has generated new paths and challenges.

So, I have taken these photographs regularly for over seven years now. And, unlike many other things in my life, they exist as concrete documents over my work and activity. The negatives and the pictures sit in folders or lay neatly placed in drawers. It is not a true reality that is revealed in the folders. But I know that they are parts of what I actually have seen through the camera and the camera has seen of me. Within the folders in my shelf lies a physical and concrete evidence of my struggle to find out more about this place that I am in. This constant search for a glance, for a situation or a gesture that tells something about human kind is preserved in the negatives. The photos carry a story and a content that I didn´t know about when I took them. They are still there and they keep answering with new questions and reassessments in connection to my present situtaion. One single picture doesn´t question my thoughts about history, origin, about my life and being, but my continous work and the pictures all together do.

 

 

 

   
 
Mattias Ericsson 2009.